"The Lovely Miss Underwood"
The always invigorating Coudal Partners recently ran a contest called "Missed Connections" which they described as follows:
You: A reader of these mailings, sitting at your desk or in your cubicle or perhaps with your laptop in a bookstore or coffee shop. Me: A writer of these mailings, doing same. What: Write a "missed connections" entry about you and an inanimate object.
It could be about a book you should have read, a concert you missed or even a papaya you should have bought or a flight you shouldn't have been late for. Anything really, so long as it's creative.
Long story short, I entered but failed to win. (Winners are here.) Here was my entry, to which I have added the title "The Lovely Miss Underwood":
The Lovely Miss Underwood
YOU: Gorgeous, dark, well-built, old-fashioned beauty, Wednesday afternoon at the thrift store in Andersonville on Clark St. I know your name is Underwood - those big, bold letters really caught my eye. ME: Skinny, pale, sad-eyed guy with the Kerouac t-shirt and Apple messenger bag who gawked at you but then wimped out and walked away. Sorry! I know gawking wasn't polite, but I've never seen anyone quite like you. WHAT: A connection, I thought, maybe even a long-term relationship. I could see right away you were special and unique, even though you've obviously been around, and I almost went back to look for you before I realized it just wouldn't work out. I need something else - faster, more modern, easier to go out with, one that will sit on my lap for hours and take me wherever I want to go. But you deserve better than me, anyway - someone older, more patient, who thinks ideas through instead of spewing them out and who prefers staying at home. So we'll never be together, but I just wanted you to know you really got my attention. Have a good life.
(In case you're wondering, the story was inspired by this.)