What Does My iPod Think of Me?

Because I'm always starved for approval, even from stylish electronic devices. Select Shuffle, press Play, and...

How does the world see you?
“You Look Like Rain”, Morphine
(Indeed, I'm somewhat damp from this morning's downpour.)

Will I have a happy life?
“Lovelines”, the Replacements
(I tried a Reader personals ad two decades back, obviously with no success.)

What do my friends really think of me?
“Noisy Night”, Portastatic
(Yes, that's me, the raucous nightowl.)

Do people secretly lust after me?
“How Come?”, Dumptruck
(I'll take that as "no.")

How can I make myself happy?
“Counsel”, Joel R.L. Phelps & the Downer Trio
(Peter Francis Geraci, I'm dialing right now.)

What should I do with my life?
“Academy Fight Song”, Mission of Burma
(Jerky questions, play by all the rules. Way ahead of you.)

Will I ever have children?
“The Biggest Lie”, Elliott Smith
(Hmmm...Maddie just seemed so real to me.)

What is some good advice for me?
“Insomnia”, Silkworm
(Less sleep, that's the ticket. Maybe the novel will finally get finished.)

How will I be remembered?
“For Tension”, Superchunk
(I had assumed "charm and good looks." Delusional, I guess.)

What is my signature dancing song?
“Come Baby Come”, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists
(Stuttering rythyms. Perfect!)

What do I think my current theme song is?
“Pot of Gold”, the Bottle Rockets
(Well, corporate life ain't getting me rich. Might as well chase some rainbows.)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“Life is an Imbecile”, Bettie Serveert
(Bush, not Life.)

What song will play at my funeral?
“From a Motel 6”, Yo La Tengo
(Dammit, iPod! Not where my funeral will be!)

What type of women do you like?
“Slipping (Into Something)”, the Feelies
(Not the naked ones. Riiiiight.)

What is my day going to be like?
“The Harbor Incident” the Monks of Doom
(Gotcha. I'll be avoiding the waterfront and all stevedores.)

(Via TMFTML, among many many other venues.)