Shalom Auslander, "Jonesin' for a Booker"

It's official. Shalom Auslander has supplanted Jon Stewart as the funniest man in the world.

Oh well—all I can do now is hope. Hope for a tragic disease, a crippling disfigurement, a stroke I can work through, an aneurysm I can overcome. Hope, and leave this godforsaken bookstore. It's like synagogue in here—I come in looking for answers, and leave feeling like crap.

Whew. Now I'm feeling better. We now resume our regularly scheduled irreverence.